2016-06-27-BFP1556-sufferable


1556 Sufferable.

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This scene was going to be slightly different, but I decided to alter it a bit more so as to open a door to other story possibilities with Kayla. Ages ago Jess was going to have a circle of friends that she was going to be the leader of, but as time went on it seemed more likely that she wouldn’t really have many, or any, real friends. I think the veneer of a person she puts on would alienate her from other people. People would like her, but not be close to her. She is somehow apart from other people. She’s always pulling people towards her, but then keeping them at arms length. She is on the cusp of changing… but not too much.

In the last few days I have been visited by misfortune thrice. I went to town with the teen and got pulled over on the way home. The stop wasn’t a problem. I lost a sticker from my tags. The problem was that the streets were still so full of heat from the day that I basically baked waiting for the officer to finish up. I nearly passed out, but held it together all the way home. When that happens it really hurts me. It takes at least a day to get back to more or less normal. Less than it has been, but still it really makes me feel broken. I had to go to the courthouse to get a replacement sticker, then went on to Walmart to get groceries. I stopped in gamestop and it was fairly hot, but I was okay until I went to Walmart. They don’t, possibly can’t, keep their stores cool anymore. So I again ended up nearly passing out. It took a full night and day to get over that. It really hurt more than before, maybe because it came on the heels of having it happen so soon after the time before. I couldn’t sleep that night because my body was spasming and trying to right itself. The day after that the power went out just before a big rainstorm. The house lost it’s cool in a matter of minutes since it’s basically a long open space. I keep my room closed off, so it held on to some of it’s lower temperature for a while, but eventually It too became too hot. I lay on the floor, in the dark, trying not to move around. I nearly retreated to the basement. I don’t like to go down there because the dust agitates my allergies so much I end up not being able to breathe, so it was either be to hot to breathe or cooler, but still unable to breathe. Luckily the rain and wind cooled the outside after sundown. I’ve had that broken feeling since then. Not so much that I can’t function, but it’s distracting, and makes it very hard to work efficiently.
So that’s where I’m at. I’ve been walking every night, which I can do as long as I don’t let myself overheat, and it doesn’t make my foot swell up usually. The veins are healing, although very slowly. Ideally I need to lose a lot of weight though. I’m trying to restrict my intake by at least half. I don’t really need a lot of food because I can’t really move around a huge amount. It’s mostly habit to eat three meals rather than any actual need anyway. I also don’t mind not eating anything but vegetables as long as they’re in a decent sauce. Although I’ll eat onion practically raw if left to my own devices… Anyway, that’s my status update for now. I’ve tried not to harp on about this stuff because it seemed like after I was in the hospital it was nothing but health talk all the time and I got sick of it. If I got sick of it I can only imagine that you all had heard quite enough as well.

Teen corner I’m gonna start this off by apologizing for not replying to comments from my post the other day. I appreciate the people that did leave me comments and thank you guys for trying to ease my anxiety about adult hood and help me understand it more. next time I will try to remember to reply to comments but my memory sucks so please forgive me if I forget. Jackie got me a monster high nintendo DS game which I recently remembered I had and for the past three days or so I have been playing it non-stop until my DS dies. I’m a little obsessed if we’re honest. you design your own monster and name them and then you run around monster high doing quests and interacting with the monster high students. I enjoy it more than I like to admit cause I mean how cool would It be to go to a monster filled school I mean really its awesome. so awesome i’ve been dreaming about it.I named my monster Jasline she is a ghost and floats around and she has blue hair. its great. yesterday I went and seen the knew ninja turtles movie which was pretty good. it was quiet amusing it was annoying though because someone had a baby that cried basically the entire movie. so that was unpleasant. befortem the movie I went out to eat with my friend and proceeded to have a mini meltdown and cry in public for no apparent reason really. the last few days I have been like this. randomly crying and feeling really replaced and just depressed. I’m not sure why it is accuring now but I am not liking it. I figured leaving the house would help but the second I did my mood became significantly worse. so now I can not decide if I’m safe to leave the house again or if I will end up in tears again. I have been expierencing a lot more self hate for myself than I normally do and I didn’t think it was possible but my confidence is even lower than before. I want to attempt to start working out a little each day and eat healthier and try to lose some weight but I donty think I will be happy with myself until I’m a size 2. its not very realist for me but I feel the need to be model skinny and even then I’m not sure it would be good enough.when I first moved to Colorado I’m was about 100 pounds lighter maybe and I still hated myself. I don’t know that it will ever change. oh and the guy I was crushing on and talking to is n ow dating one of my kinda sorta friends so thats nice. anyways enough depressing stuff I know I’m just a teen and I will eventually get over everything a be fine. and if anyone comments for me this time I will try to do my best to reply bye interweb peeps.